This post is coming from dad’s perspective! Have you ever wondered what it’s like from the other side of the room? Are you curious or nervous to bring your little one into the world? I was at one point, but that’s part of being human. Let’s learn together!
Being a birth coach is one of the most special things I’ve ever done in my life. It was an honor being there with my incredible wife as we anticipated the arrival of our first baby girl. A year and some change later, we are getting ready for the arrival of our second baby girl in a month or less, and I couldn’t be more excited and blessed.
It is with this joy that I write this blog post for my beautiful wife at Amotherhoodstory.com, and share my experience of what it was like being her birth coach! I am not perfect, by any means, though I did have a blast and helped as best I could. Hopefully I can shed some light on some things that helped us on our journey. It was an unforgettable experience, one that I will treasure forever.
Every pregnancy is different, and every birth is different. Some are fast and smooth, others are long and painful. Your partner is special, unique, one-of-a-kind, and worthy of all of your time, attention, and love! Give it your all to making your partner’s birth experience as good as you can! For your partner is your diamond, give your life to letting that diamond shine!
If you enjoy this post, follow me at Futurelovestory.com where I write about all things family, faith, and fatherhood. Love you, hon!
This post is all about The Birth Coach: Dad’s View.
Prepare What You Can
My wife is an incredible planner! She constantly blows me away with her exceptional ability to plan, prepare, and make things happen. Maybe that’s what happens when your mother is a Project Manager Executive. Myself? Somewhere in between! I like to dream and accomplish things, which often requires an initial goal or objective.
I can’t tell you enough how much better an experience it was that we prepared mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Becoming a parent is one of the most unique, beautiful, and hardest things ever, so you might as well get ready for it.
Pack your hospital bag, get the nursery ready, talk about or write a birth plan, attend virtual or real life infant CPR and baby classes, read the books (Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad! / The Birth Partner), pray together about it, talk with friends who are already parents or join a dad’s/men’s group. Even the little things like bringing a laptop with charging cable so you can watch The Office or The Lion King.
With all that preparation, there are some things you will experience that you can’t imagine, emotionally and physically for example. And that is okay. It is hard to see your partner in so much pain in distress. There were times when I thought I was going to throw up seeing her like that. I mean, who likes seeing the one they love most going through such agony? And knowing what it will be like to be a parent and carry the responsibilities, exhaustion, and joys that come with it, hard to say until you actually do it.
But it is all worth it, when your beautiful child comes out into the world, and you see their beautiful face, and you hold them, and you get immersed in the beauty of who they are and how much you love them and your partner. So where do you start? With a plan.
Hang In There When It’s Hard
There are probably going to be moments throughout the birth that are hard, some are really hard. Your partner is going through a lot of pain so that makes sense. It’s such a unique and highly emotional event, you both may be somewhat sleep deprived, and for a long birth, that can be really wearing. Just know that your faith and love for your baby momma can help you to be your best for them. Envision and tell them how special it will be when the baby is in your arms and you are all holding each other.
This may be different if you’ve been around the block before and are on your second, third, fourth, or fourteenth, regardless every pregnancy is different and like anything in life, experience does tend to give you an edge. Though do not despair, for women have been giving birth since we can remember, and they are incredibly strong and wonderful beings.
What do you do when things get hard? You stick to your plan, adjust accordingly, and communicate throughout the birth. Ensure that you are listening to your partner and catering to her needs. Also ensure that you are sharing your thoughts and emotions, because you don’t want to get stuck inside your head. You may be cramped up in a small hospital room for a couple days and after a while you may need a breather.
Sometimes we can think that we can do everything on our own in life, but we are human and companionship is vital to our success. Even the coach or mentor needs someone to advise with. So don’t be afraid to phone a family member or close friend to talk out how things are going and get some sound advice from the outside world. Prayer, journaling, or watching a movie or TV show together to lighten the mood may be of assistance.
For my wife and I’s first, it was a couple day labor and there were times when it felt like it was dragging without much progress. It can be discouraging in this scenario but you have to stay strong and think and speak positive thoughts and belief through it all. It is when you see the light and hang on to that glorious picture of the family holding each other after it is all finished that will help carry you all through the journey. Enjoy the ride, envision the dream, trust God, and give your best!
One thing is for sure, hang in there when it’s hard, and lean on each other during the difficulties. Cater to their needs and help them any way you can. You are going to be an amazing partner and dad. You are amazing!
Use Your Greatest Gifts
We all have unique talents and gifts! We’ve been given them for a reason and to not use them is to waste what you’ve been given! I like to think that we are all special and one-of-a-kind. Some things that I excel at are excitement and cheering others on, listening and asking unique questions, and loving deeply with my heart and going deep. There are many things that I am not good at, but I try to focus on what I am!
How does this relate as a birth coach? Because I am not going to be the best coach I can be if I am always trying to do the things that I am not very good at. Though I can be the best birthing coach I can be if I am doing the things that I am good at to support my beloved wife!
What does this look like for you? Are there certain things you can do for your partner to help them through this grueling endeavor? Are you excited for your big day?
For me this looks like asking her if she wants anything or chatting about different stories, dreaming up our future and talking about how good it will be, and being her coach when she needs me. My fondest memory of our birth is holding her hand, counting down, and cheering her on as she got ready to bring our daughter into the world. It was an unforgettable experience, and as a husband, there is such a joy in speaking truth and excitement into the one you love. When our daughter came out, I was in awe. Enjoy the awe and miracle of life, and never let go. You are now a new person. You are a father! Now go love your family!
While I could go into detail about all the other little things, I think it best that you experience it for yourself and entrust your doctor and care team! How wonderful it is that we can have such a gifted and talented medical staff working together to bring your little one into the world. What a blessing to share in this! Ask as many questions as you need.
Being a parent is a great responsibility. For all you mothers and fathers out there, keep up the wonderful work. Be your best and live your best, and you won’t have any regrets.
Congratulations, you brought a child into the world! This is no easy task though the reward is far greater than you can imagine, your son or daughter. Now go love them and care for them. As the birthing coach, your job is not over. For your wife and child are going to need tended to and cared for, for weeks or months. See to it that you help as best you can, and serve them like the Queen and Princess/Prince that they are. For they are worthy of it all. And there is no greater pursuit. May God bless you!
Lozza Love,
Michael Wittorp