How do we make big decisions in life? When you find yourself at a crossroad, how do you know which path to take? This is a great question, and one that we will uncover in today’s blog post.
I struggle to make decisions. There I said it; honesty is good. On the other hand, my wife is exceptionally good at making decisions. Sometimes I find it difficult to decide which restaurant to have dinner at or what to spend my free time doing, let alone the big decisions in life.
And I’m here to tell you, that’s okay. In fact, decision-making is a skill that can be refined and grown, as well as something some people are just inherently better at. I state this from personal experience rather than from science.
It can get better! You can get better! I am proud to say I have made some of the most important decisions of my life already; namely getting married to the love of my life, buying a house, having children, trusting God, and choosing a life of love.
I am proof that even someone who struggles with decisions can be confident and pursue the life you want! If I can do it, so can you! In this blog post, let’s dive deeper into some skills and strategies on how to make decisions and own your life.
This post is all about Making Decisions: Being Decisive.
Research and Weigh Your Options
There are different types of decisions that you will have to make in life. Small, medium, and big decisions. Some decisions are somewhere in between.
Small decision are those that seem to have minimal to no long-term impact to your life. Name brand or off-brand peanut butter, this restaurant or that restaurant, blue shirt or yellow shirt. Though one thing to keep in mind, small decisions can stack up over time with differing outcomes; think working out or reading a good book every day. So I guess you could argue small decisions can alter your life and have the weight of a big decision if acted upon over and over, though for now let’s say that small decisions can be made in a relatively short amount of time.
Medium decisions, should we go on vacation to Bermuda or St. Lucia? Which eye doctor should I go to? Should I enroll for this class or that class? Again you could argue some medium decisions can turn into a big decision and have the potential to grow. Though for now, let’s just use this as a reference place for middle-of-the-line decisions with moderate levels of thinking/planning.
Big decisions may or may not change your life, environment, time, and direction of where you’re headed for the long-term. Some examples include: which college to attend, getting married, having children, buying a house, what city or neighborhood to live in, where to work, etc. These are the decisions that may impact you or your family for many years and some for life; financially, emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually, and more.
For some small or medium decisions you are ready to make your decision already and that is fine. For others, it may require a little extra oomph to make sure that you are choosing what’s best for you or others. Categorize your decision in one of the three areas to bring awareness to whether the decision is worthy of the limited mental resources and time that you have.
So now that you’ve determined if it’s a small, medium, or big decision, it’s time to start researching and gathering as much information as you can about your decision. Whether it’s internet searches, books, podcasts, videos, ChatGPT, you name it. In this process, you are researching with the intent of learning as much as you can and discovering what you really want.
Lean On Others
The next step in the process is to lean on others. We are fortunate to live in a world with many other incredible people, living their best selves day by day. It has never been easier to watch videos of people you look up to, connect with people who are on a similar path in life or your dream path, and find guidance from someone who has already faced the problem, challenge, or path that you hope to take. This is critical for big decisions, because it means you can learn from them before stepping on the path yourself.
For some, you have an amazing support person in your life, your spouse, girlfriend, friends, or mentor. For others, you may want to consider adding wonderful people to your life. With your inner circle of companions, you can test out different thoughts, decisions, and dreams you have been thinking about. The caveat is that in order to push you forward into your best self, these people have to believe in you and want what’s best for you, otherwise, it may be conflicting to listen to their advice regarding decision-making.
For me, my support person is my wife. She is a wonderful human being, and I am so lucky to have her. I can guarantee that she always has my back and wants the best for me. It is in that trust and love that I can lean on her for advice, wisdom, and honesty whenever I need to make a decision, big or small. Talking things out brings perspective and bringing things to the table that perhaps I hadn’t considered. It is in this space that I feel safe to share thoughts and opinions, and I often leave these conversations knowing what decision to make. What people do you trust to share your inner hopes, dreams, and decisions with?
You are lucky to have others to lean on! Don’t forget to thank them for their listening and kindness. So, now that we’ve talked it out with others what’s our next step in the decision-making process? Clearing your mind.
Clear Your Mind
You have to remember that you are usually the one who has to live with a decision, so you don’t want something you read or someone you talked to make the decision for you. Unless it is a team or family decision, you are probably going to want to choose that which best serves you and fills up your cup the most, which in turn allows you to fill others cups the most.
How do you get to that point where you are ready to make the decision? By clearing your mind. You’ve researched your topic, dreams, questions, problems, you name it; you’ve talked to the right people in your life about what is on your mind; now let’s clear the mind and see what your heart and mind are saying.
What are the things that bring you to that place of clarity? For some it is going on a bike ride or working out, getting the body in a peak state. For others it is by enjoying a nature walk or stroll through a favorite part of town. For others it is in playing chess, reading, listening to music, laughing, meditating/praying, or doing something you really enjoy. The goal is to get to that place of peace and joy, and clear the mind from anyone else’s bias. Let your heart be the one to decide for your life.
For me, it is going on a run! Give me 15 to 30 minutes to run my favorite path clears my mind and I am feeling amazing, clear, and living my best self.
Once you have found what works for you to clear the mind, you are ready to make a decision!
Make a Decision
Making a decision means committing to a path or taking some sort of action towards your goal. It is the act of doing, deciding, becoming! It is then you will be free to take ownership of your life and recalibrate the vision and dream life you are looking to live and become.
Be aware that making the decision to not move forward with something or saying no is also a decision, and putting a placeholder on the topic or path of interest to a later date is completely acceptable.
Another caveat, decision regret, similar to buyer’s remorse may come up as well. Just know that we are emotional beings and that you may have to respond to these different thoughts and emotions that may come up after you have made a decision.
Now that you have made a decision, how do you feel? Are you excited, scared, hopeful, or joyful? Many emotions may come with decision. Share these emotions with the ones you love. Now comes the fun part, taking action!
I hope that this post has been helpful in guiding you through my decision-making process. It has been helpful for me as I still have a lot of room to grow in this area. Thanks for walking with me and learning together!
Still stuck?
Rinse repeat recycle. Research and weigh your options, lean on others, clear your mind, make a decision!
Lozza Love,
Michael Wittorp